Fear. One of those things that seems to only be there to test ones character. Whether it be fear of change, conflict, or even something as small as a spider, overcoming that fear is what makes you or well.... breaks you. I once read that "fear comes from uncertainty" now let that resonate for a moment. If you look back on your own fears I'm sure in one way or another this quote holds truth, I mean maybe not the spider (there just scary looking) but real fear is commonly just caused by clouded thoughts of the unknown. A moment where you knew it was a good idea but the fear of failure held you back from accomplishing your goal. To this all I can say is man up!.
Now I'm not saying have no fear, fear is an amazing tool when channeled properly but, weighing the consequence for you actions is as well. For instance when riding motor cross a few years back, I noticed that my fear itself was transforming into adrenaline the more I rode. The more terrifying the stunt, the more I was "in the zone" if you will. My senses more aware, more in tune with the bike and its movements, truly one with the moment. Although fear was a great tool then, if I had not overcame my original fear of failure when first learning to ride the bike, I would have never experienced the amazing things I did. In a sense you just have to use it to your advantage and own it.
Even though I do know how to use my fear, I still seem to have problems overcoming some aspect in my own life. The biggest regret. I just don't want to say I never did it or that I did it wrong for that matter. For example I fear marriage or even commitment, not because of the life I would live, but instead questions like is she the right one? would I have met that one if I wasn't with her? will this even work out? Death is another big one, not death itself but I just don't want to die to early regretting the life I lived,even everyday decisions weigh heavy on my day to day. In my mind every move controls my future no way to overcome this I just move on, go with the flow, and hope I always make the right decisions....or at least learn from the wrong ones.
"Only Thing That I Fear Is God And Weddings"
Man in the mirror,
I'm staring at my problems
Nobody around
cause they got up and they got it
I use it as motivation,
fuel to all this energy
Refuse to let my inner fears
stop me from my destiny
Pen to the paper,
getting to this paper
Headed to the top,
(escalator)
need to get it now never later
Running from my past,
but a dreams what I'm chasing
On the way to make it
(no we ain't never waiting)
see a fork in the road, road full of potholes
Where will I end up?
(Nope)
I do not know
running through my life
life is just a race
Eyes open, full speed,
Turnin fear into my faith
losing not an option
Blood sweat and tears
are all I've ever known
only thing to interfere
(was the fear)
of becoming like my father an my family
fear turned to courage, poverty prosperity
moments after moments culminating to a clarity
its cheating that I fear when I say the words marry me
only thing left that I fear is the death
before I make it to the top guess I fear regret.
Mike,
ReplyDeleteGood post. I really like how your poem/post ends with "I fear regret". I think that that is something to look at and probe a bit further. I think you hit the nail on the head right there with that simple line/realization.
For instance, you mention in your journal that you were struck by the realization of the fear of uncertainty. That's big. Most people have that fear... or have fears within that fear. I'd like to see you reflect/write on that a little more. I'd like to see your journal piece extend on this. What are you so uncertain about?
That's what I'd like to see/read. I'd like you to explore that a little bit more.
Your example of motocross is great. A prime example. Now try to expand upon that. Was it a fear of failure, judgment... death?
Great work on your poem this week, too. Great rhymes. It exudes a certain strength and power. It's great to see you twisting lines and making rhymes each week. Strong. Good quality. I can tell that your putting your thought and focus into each poem. It shows. Consistently.
My one suggestion would be to try to ponder these big themes a little bit more, so that your writing becomes more universal in terms of your thoughts and feelings. Motocross is a good start/example... but how do these themes (fear) permeate your greater being?
Think about expanding in that way.
GR: 90